JK Rowling Makes Bad Games

I saw the recent Harry Potter and I was once again reminded of what a horrible game designer she is.

I already had a huge problem with Quiddich or whatever it is called. All I know about it is from the movies. I think it is a stupid game because it has orthogonal goals. In one half of the game, it is a semi-interesting team-on-team basketball-like game. It’s a pretty impractical game for kids to play, however, since getting a broomstick handle hitting you in the chest at a 500 MPH differential is surely dangerous. And because of the back-and-forth motion of the game, it would happen all the time.

The worst thing about Quiddich is that “seeker” position, where a seeker from each team tries to grab that quick little fluttering ball. If a seeker gets it, then the whole game is over and the rest of the team’s efforts are in vain. It’s a stupid, stupid game.

In the latest movie, you see these crazy rules at work again in her “tri-wizard” competition. Before wizards join, they are warned that they could be killed and it is very dangerous. This is fine… an adequate warning. But in part 2 of the competition, the innocent friends of the wizard have anchors attached to their legs and they are sunk to the bottom of the lake. If the wizards don’t save them, their innocent friends die. This would seem to be a MORE important thing to tell the wizards before the competition.

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  • Harry Potter stinks.

    No, seriously. It can be an enjoyable read (I read 1-5) but my brain hurt afterwards.

    That, and, I read one right before I came down with a really bad fever and had delirious nightmares about one of the ghost teachers.

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