Bananas

We went to this restaurant tonight here on the island called Bananas. It was very good, but we barely got there. We had this EXTREMELY sketchy looking taxi driver named Billy. I really doubt this guy can see in three dimensions.

Below are some pictures from the restaurant. You had to take that little mini-mine train to get to the top because it was so steep. Our hostess was this nice lady from London that moved to Nevis to work there at Bananas. She kept saying how much she liked it because it was not cold like London as she was wiping her forehead four times because she was so sweaty!

(pictures REDACTED)

Golf Cart Roadkill (nearly)

They gave us a golf cart to drive around while we are here, since our villa is kinda far from the main resort. We end up seeing a lot of interesting wildlife. Most run away before I can take a picture… so here is a boring frog but an interesting crab. This thing was huge… If I was to step on this crab, it may not have noticed! Look how big that left craw is. Not the craw, the CRAW!

(Pictures currently stuck in a recursive-logic wormhole. They will be available yesterday.)

Sunburned

I have the sort of skin that is somewhere between onion paper and litmus paper. It is all freckly and pale. I don’t really tan. I burn, and from a distance and in certain candlelight, I do actually look tan. This is why I carry around a small set of candles (or torches) with me whenever I go into public. I don’t want people thinking that I sit in front of a computer all day, which I actually do.

I think this picture is from a cool restaurant halfway up the volcano here at Nevis. It’s called The Hermitage and had some of the best food on the island. We had to travel up a pretty sketchy road, passing several skittish goats with Legionnaire’s disease. The food up at The Hermitage was 100% better than down here at the Four Seasons where everything is horribly overpriced.

Monkeys!

Nevis is full of jungle fauna and seems to have quite a diverse ecosystem for such a small island. Of course, one thing that makes the ecosystem very nice to appreciate is a golf course that rips through the center of the pristine environment. It actually makes it very nice and scenic, in a way, I suppose. I’ve been jogging on it every day and today I ran through a troop of monkeys. Troop, that’s the word, right? Anyway, they were all playing in the middle of the par 5 15th fairway. There seemed to be several families of monkey there. I saw two mother monkeys with baby monkeys underneath them holding onto their bellies. They let me get incredibly close to take pictures.

These are Vervet Green Monkeys originally from sub-Saharan Africa that came over here to St. Kitts and Nevis with enslaved Africans. The adults get to about 10 to 15 pounds and they are omnivores. That about completes everything I know about the vervet monkeys.

After I spent about half an hour silently tracking and sitting with the monkeys, something RATHER annoying happened. Some golfers teed up and started playing that hole. Naturally, that would not bother me in the slightest since that is the purpose of the golf course, but these were some of those very annoying people that give America a bad name overseas. These two were the quintessential rankling ugly Americans. They were this loud New York Jewish couple that had the stereotypical grating, loud, irritating voice that you could hear from half a mile away.

“Loook,” the lady yelled in a nasally voice, “I think I see a monkeeeeey!”

At that point, the husband and wife came ripping through the underbrush with a gasoline-powered golf cart with all the gentility of a Panzer tank rolling over de Gaulle. 95% of the monkeys went running and screaming for cover before they both jumped out of the cart and came running over to the trees with the gait of alpha gorillas.

“Loooyoook!” the husband said with a Shylock drawl, “I think they are eating mangoes or something! Hey guys!” His voice was at a decibel level between leaf blower and shuttle disaster.

And no, they were assuredly not eating mangoes, because mangoes are not tiny green seeds smaller than a peanut.

So I got away from those idiots and absconded with their golf balls.

Nevis

Made it here to Nevis where we will be for about ten days. I brought the family down here to get them away from the 95 degree whether in Texas. The average temperature here is about 95 degrees.

But there certainly is a lot more ocean here than there in Austin, and there is 55% more Caribbean. This is fortunate, since all my days spent playing Sid Meier’s Pirates has finally paid off. It has not really paid off, but I don’t want to think all of that time was wasted. It was. Except for the fact that I was able to easily remember that St. Kitts is near Nevis, and you can see that in the picture below. It’s the hilly one across about 20 km of water.

There is a volcano here on Nevis. It’s dormant, or so they say. They also said that our room would come with a small Polynesian woman to rub my back, but they lied about that.

Stuck in Customs

Well, I was stuck in Caribbean customs for about 25 minutes. They had one islander woman processing a big group of WASPs. I blended into the WASPs because I think I was wearing something from JCrew. She was extremely slow and actually checked out the zip code I entered on my immigration form. I told her to trust me because I am an American.

(picture lost to the annals of time)

I notice that everything in that picture except for me is blurry. I don’t understand how that happened… This new camera I got vexes me in a few ways.

Gonna be Gone

I will be away from blogging for about 2 weeks, as I am headed down to the backwoods of the Caribbean to the Four Seasons at Nevis.

After that, I am going to Isla de Vieques for a few days. Up there I plan on visiting one of the world’s only biobays where there are these glowing blue flagellates – see! Anyway, that looks kinda cool.

Usually whenever I go to the Caribbean I end up getting scowled at by bitter islanders who look at me as if they suspect me to trade some rum so I can take them home with me. Of course, I don’t plan on doing that, since I now get most of my cotton products from Walmart.

Lost some blog posts!

Hmm… vexed… lost some good stuff there… hmmm…. many entries disappeared.

Paniker the Taxi Driver

This guy was a hoot. As you can see from his name, it really is “Paniker.” His sideburns set us at ease and was a nice yin to the name of his yang.

He spent the whole cab ride (about 30 minutes) complaining about all the Muslim tourists in KL from the Middle East and how mean they are. Paniker said all they do is insult him and everything around them. After getting out of the cab, he said, these Muslims kick his cab and rub the bottom of their shoe on the cab (a big insult from the Muslims, saying that the cab driver is “beneath” them.) He says this even happens to Buddhist cab drivers. How can you hate a Buddhist? I mean, come on…

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